i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
