i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
