U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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