My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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