I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
