dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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