just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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