I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
