he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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