he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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