fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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