Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
