the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
