Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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