Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
