I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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