I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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