we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
