went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I want is dick and wine.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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