That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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