these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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