I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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