this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
