Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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