I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
