so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
