Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
