just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my liver is dry heaving
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
