I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
