How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
