You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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