i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
