wakey wakey hands off snakey
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
