well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
50% drunk capacity currently
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
