my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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