I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
