I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
