I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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