just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
