just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
