went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
