I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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