If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i drank out of a bidet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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