we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
