I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
