good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
being pregnant is like rehab
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
