I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
