found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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