My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
