there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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