So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
