I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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