First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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