Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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