i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
