She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
