goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
