Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
