That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize