I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
