and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
