Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
