Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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