Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
