But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Green mimosas i think yes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
