smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
