So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
