Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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