I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
