Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
