No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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