also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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