her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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